Below is a link to a story about a friend of mine. You may have heard this story regarding Kelli Stapleton and her daughter, Issy. Issy has autism and is violent. Kelli - like so many parents, did everything she could to help her. I won't go into detail - you can read the story - and of course I don't condone what she did, I think she was at the end of her rope with trying to get her daughter help through the state and not getting what she needed, and she just hit bottom.
Kelli and Issy Stapleton Story
Kelli has a blog about life with Issy: The Status Woe
I write about Katie and post all these happy, cute pictures of her, and usually she IS happy and of course always cute! But I don't write so much about the times that are not so wonderful. I think it may be human nature just to look on the bright side and brush off the bad times, not wanting to bother people with all your woes... and maybe that is why my friend Kelli got to her low point.
I got head-butted last week (it happens occasionally but usually I can move out of the way) and just burst into tears because my nose hurt so bad. Thank God it wasn't broken but man, it hurt like hell! Katie doesn't mean to do it - I know that. It seems to be some kind of uncontrolled action, like she doesn't have great control over her body movements. She is either mad or excited, and her body just lets loose and she ends up flinging her head around or kicking her legs and hurting someone, usually Mommy! Well, this is my theory anyway, since no one else really has one.
Another example: recently at the eye doctor when I was holding her legs and arms as tight as I could and as he came at her with the light, she went bananas. Even though I told him we needed someone else to help hold her down, "Oh I think we'll be ok," he said. I left with a fat, cut lip bleeding like crazy, head-butted again, this time in the lip.
I can understand Kelli's heart-breaking story and maybe where she went off the deep end and lost it, not saying what she did was the answer of course, I don't think anyone would think that taking out yourself and your child is the answer. Ever. But to know her story is one that is sad and scary. Issy is a violent teenager with autism who has put Kelli in the hospital more than once with brain injuries, and also put others in jeopardy. Just what is the right way to deal with a violent child with autism who most likely doesn't understand what she is doing? I can't even imagine. I have nothing like this at all to deal with, and although Katie is not a violent kid (just an occasional head-butt or kick) it is not easy having a have a child with any kind of disability.
Lots of times I think:
If Katie could talk my life and her life would be SO much easier!
If Katie wasn't still in diapers and constantly constipated...
If Katie could get herself into her car seat herself...
If Katie could sit in a regular chair at the table...
If Katie could... it goes on and on.
We worry about who will take care of her when we are gone, meaning dead. We have short vacations covered. Of course we do have plans for this just in case, but will someone else do what I do for her? I had Katie at age 41 and she is almost 8, you do the math. (I hate math).
Will she ever talk? Will her balance get better? Is she going to fall and break a bone or knock out teeth? I worry that I might die of some terrible disease - then what? What if I get early Alzheimer's or hit by a truck? I have stepped up my exercise (spin class anyone?) and vitamin intake and am trying to eat better - maybe that baby weight will come off one of these days! But who is going to take care of her like I do? Is someone else going to search the internet hoping for some clue and maybe help for her issues?
Paul is a great dad - he is the "fun" one. He makes crazy faces and wrestles with her on the floor, comes at her like a zombie - she loves it. I am fun too, but I also am the one to brush her teeth, take her to the doctor's appointments (not fun at all), brush her hair, give her medicine - and lots of these I have to pin her down on the floor and sing to try to make it fun. And me singing is not fun. Paul singing is just scary, or hilarious depending on how you look at it. Paul is somewhat of a workaholic (I mean that in a very good way) so I do most of the not so fun stuff with Katie. And thank God he is so that I can be here for her when she gets home from school, etc...
I am sure a lot of people think I have it easy because I live in a nice house and don't work, and, yes I do have a pretty good life. Although I do do Paul's data entry - mindless work however it needs to be done by somebody, right? That's work! But I would give it all up and live in a shack made of sticks without running water if it would help Katie. I would trade that in an instant.
It's just hard, you know? You never think your child will be the one with issues. A child who can't tell you they love you, that just sucks. And although I never feel sorry for myself because Katie is a wonderful and loving kid 99% of the time, who does tell me with hugs and slobbery kisses that she loves me, I worry a lot about her future. My goal is to make the Guinness Book and live to be 140 so I can make sure she is ok, Katie will be 99 at that point. Maybe I'll start adding in more exercise. Prancercising - I could do that! Lol!
Kelli and Issy Stapleton Story
Kelli has a blog about life with Issy: The Status Woe
I write about Katie and post all these happy, cute pictures of her, and usually she IS happy and of course always cute! But I don't write so much about the times that are not so wonderful. I think it may be human nature just to look on the bright side and brush off the bad times, not wanting to bother people with all your woes... and maybe that is why my friend Kelli got to her low point.
I got head-butted last week (it happens occasionally but usually I can move out of the way) and just burst into tears because my nose hurt so bad. Thank God it wasn't broken but man, it hurt like hell! Katie doesn't mean to do it - I know that. It seems to be some kind of uncontrolled action, like she doesn't have great control over her body movements. She is either mad or excited, and her body just lets loose and she ends up flinging her head around or kicking her legs and hurting someone, usually Mommy! Well, this is my theory anyway, since no one else really has one.
Another example: recently at the eye doctor when I was holding her legs and arms as tight as I could and as he came at her with the light, she went bananas. Even though I told him we needed someone else to help hold her down, "Oh I think we'll be ok," he said. I left with a fat, cut lip bleeding like crazy, head-butted again, this time in the lip.
I can understand Kelli's heart-breaking story and maybe where she went off the deep end and lost it, not saying what she did was the answer of course, I don't think anyone would think that taking out yourself and your child is the answer. Ever. But to know her story is one that is sad and scary. Issy is a violent teenager with autism who has put Kelli in the hospital more than once with brain injuries, and also put others in jeopardy. Just what is the right way to deal with a violent child with autism who most likely doesn't understand what she is doing? I can't even imagine. I have nothing like this at all to deal with, and although Katie is not a violent kid (just an occasional head-butt or kick) it is not easy having a have a child with any kind of disability.
Lots of times I think:
If Katie could talk my life and her life would be SO much easier!
If Katie wasn't still in diapers and constantly constipated...
If Katie could get herself into her car seat herself...
If Katie could sit in a regular chair at the table...
If Katie could... it goes on and on.
We worry about who will take care of her when we are gone, meaning dead. We have short vacations covered. Of course we do have plans for this just in case, but will someone else do what I do for her? I had Katie at age 41 and she is almost 8, you do the math. (I hate math).
Will she ever talk? Will her balance get better? Is she going to fall and break a bone or knock out teeth? I worry that I might die of some terrible disease - then what? What if I get early Alzheimer's or hit by a truck? I have stepped up my exercise (spin class anyone?) and vitamin intake and am trying to eat better - maybe that baby weight will come off one of these days! But who is going to take care of her like I do? Is someone else going to search the internet hoping for some clue and maybe help for her issues?
Paul is a great dad - he is the "fun" one. He makes crazy faces and wrestles with her on the floor, comes at her like a zombie - she loves it. I am fun too, but I also am the one to brush her teeth, take her to the doctor's appointments (not fun at all), brush her hair, give her medicine - and lots of these I have to pin her down on the floor and sing to try to make it fun. And me singing is not fun. Paul singing is just scary, or hilarious depending on how you look at it. Paul is somewhat of a workaholic (I mean that in a very good way) so I do most of the not so fun stuff with Katie. And thank God he is so that I can be here for her when she gets home from school, etc...
I am sure a lot of people think I have it easy because I live in a nice house and don't work, and, yes I do have a pretty good life. Although I do do Paul's data entry - mindless work however it needs to be done by somebody, right? That's work! But I would give it all up and live in a shack made of sticks without running water if it would help Katie. I would trade that in an instant.
It's just hard, you know? You never think your child will be the one with issues. A child who can't tell you they love you, that just sucks. And although I never feel sorry for myself because Katie is a wonderful and loving kid 99% of the time, who does tell me with hugs and slobbery kisses that she loves me, I worry a lot about her future. My goal is to make the Guinness Book and live to be 140 so I can make sure she is ok, Katie will be 99 at that point. Maybe I'll start adding in more exercise. Prancercising - I could do that! Lol!
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